NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) 2

[WenikiTiki]

It is funny Beatrice, when STBXH and I talked, one of the things he said to me is that he is being civil to me because he feels like that is how he should be. So there is a strong possibility that he is just truely done. I am the one who needs to figure out how to move along.

I think I am just mis-reading him entirely. He told me plainly last night that he isn't changing his mind on the divorce. I am the one dealing with the divorce, writing it all down, talking to a lawyer and he just wants to sign it.

When he wants to talk to me it is because he has narrowed his world down to that of himself and OW. So when she cuts off communication with him, he has only me to talk to. And he turns to me and I think it is because I am his wife of over 30 years. But in reality he is turning to me because HE HAS NO ONE ELSE. He doesn't care about me, only about meeting his own needs.

So I am confused. So very confused. And aside from having shelter and food and a car I get nothing from him. NOTHING.

I am trying to move on. I signed up on a few dating sites about 2 weeks ago. I have met 3 people for coffee/tea. The first was either way older than he said, or seriously rode hard and put up wet. (Posted photos that were old......) The second appeared nice, but has no money and seemed a little bitter about life. The third was this morning and was a nice guy who asked me to go to the beach with him this weekend. The guy this morning was the first who bothered to pay for my $2.50 cup of tea.

I have ignored a bunch of very goofy emails. (Love at first sight, or people who just want to hook-up.) I know that I will hear it is too soon to date. I have thought about it long and hard. I don't plan on marrying again. But I also don't plan on continuing to be so alone.

I go to many events with my friends. And hate feeling alone in a crowd. So I will give it a shot. If nothing else maybe I will have a new friend to go surfing with. We had a lot to talk about. He isn't rich, but not poor either. Has a nice job and most likely big child support payments.

MY STBHX has been separated from me, according to him since last October. But his affair with OW started the October before that. And when he talks about OW now he says he isn't sure he will end up with her. He has said that since the beginning of his affair with her. But he says he deserves to be happy. So I'm sure he isn't even pondering coming back to me. I think in his demented mind he will get some beautiful sweet young thing.

Who knows, he might. Heck he might even be much happier. I don't see myself waiting out a couple more years of this. I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop since the first BD in the year 2000. I was thinking about my life since then and I have been living a very him centric life since then.

And I've only been DBing since this October. But he has actually been gone since early 2000. And I seriously deserve better than this.

So Beatrice, your comment about the pathetic whine from the WAS seeking happiness really did resound with me.

Aloha,

Wendy