Dear 25 yrs
Yes, I can tell you I apologized several times and my husband told me it was not my fault. I wish I could go back in time and change things. I have been depressed I think for awhile.
I did hold onto upsets and acted the victim but it did no good. I complained, it did no good. I did not know how to handle our problems. During our marriage I had asked him to go to counseling but he said no, he didn't need a counselor. I should have gone myself. But don't know if it would have helped.

I did resent my husbands many activities because I felt me and the kids didn't get the time I thought we should. I did go sailing and to a couple of astronomy events and he went bowling with me and to a historical place I liked but we didn't do it very often. He likes to go out to dinner so we did that every week.

Right now he wants no sex. I asked him to at least hug me and he won't do that. I don't do it because in the beginning, I was whiney, begging and pleading and I don't want to be pushy, plus I feel rejected right now.

During our marriage my husband liked to get into debates but sometimes if you took a position he didn't like he could get nasty. He was verbally competative. Once when I was talking to my sister about a religious issue that I knew about and my husband did not. He came in from another room and started argueing with me. Sometimes he belittled me in public. So I resented it and told him so. But like you said, Where did it get me?

I have read divorce busters and I own Divorce remedy. I am scared I won't do anything right.

I told him I forgave him but I spoke too soon I think. He wants me to get over it but it's only been about 3 months and he expects me to give him as much time as he needs to get over his numbness about me.

We went to couseling together once and then the therapist saw us separately bout 5 times. Now she wants us to see her together but my husband has to make the appt due to his busy schedule and he has not. But I don't think she is helping. He won't go to any one else. He likes her.

He makes good money and can handle the bills but has been neglecting some of them lately. He says I used to be strong but not now. Well, I think I need some time to heal too. Wants me to work to help with a bill or two. And I know he wants that expensive telescope.

So What to do to make things better? I have repaired a cushion and cleaned it for the boat, I have tried to listen better and we have not argued too much lately. We used to argue quite a bit. Any suggestions are welcome and thanks for your post I have alot to think about and I am glad to hear your perspective.