Swimming with the Turtles

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i don't really know what took place today, and i bet i'll get a few 2 x4's here. it sort of happened so unexpectedly

first i think i did a good thing, i meditated, got myself in a good place, saw how i could change the pattern, and set myself down to write an email to h. he doesn't always check his mail so i texted him saying sent you an email.

he called back after teaching- and the convo went really well , i just expected it to and kept saying that to myself.

he started out by saying that he wanted to discuss the email, and we went through the fencing thing (he insisted that he hadn't said he was against what i arranged, i just stayed calm and said that it was the impression i had and that we could of course talk about it) . then we dealt with the other summer camp that s wants to attend and he agreed to call the guy and go over to meet him. ( i didn't expect anything - don't know how many times i've heard that)

then he said - well we have to figure out the schedule with s, and i said yes and waited - didn't suggest anything. he himself asked should we stick to friday to friday or do you want to try another way. i just said simply, i like the friday deal because it starts off the weekend, and is easier for me. he agreed and then said well tomorrow is friday and i just said yes it is, what time shall i expect to get s back.

he tried to muddle things a bit and i let him decide (give a little???) - it was left open while he arranges a play date - i made it clear that i had an appointment at 10. (i didn;t say why but he probably guessed it was w/ my IC)

then came the interesting part of the conversation - and i am proud of myself. the summer camp thing in july is all day everyday. the course he is teaching is until 1.30 everyday in june. if s does not go to the july course, he asked, what will he do then?

i replied, well the week he is with me i have no problem setting up play dates for him etc. you will have to make arrangements for him the week he's with you. (h does not do play dates, and besides he can't if he's in the studio or building his house)

he got a bit quiet and then said oh i'm not worried about that. i outright asked him very calmly that i wanted to verify whether he was pushing the summer camp for july so that his days would be covered and s had somewhere to go. his reply confirmed that he had definitely not thought of that.

as soon as we got everything clear - including that he would take care of s the weekend of the 14th as i would be out of town (he doesn't like that at all and has made several comments on it - i won't tell him where i'm going) , i said that i had to get back to work and thanked him for us getting everything clear.

he called back 10 mins later - he had already called the guy and wanted us to go down there in the next 15 mins, WOW - one of h's things is that he never takes care of stuff right away. so i think the way i handled it was correct.

so i asked him and s to swing by and pick me up. again he did something different - came in, used the bathroom, went into s's room (we rearranged it last week) - he hasn't gone in there for weeks - he's been avoiding the whole house. made a goofy comment about has s's bed moved a bit (it's well on the other side of the room. i laughed and said very relaxed - you haven't been gone so long that you couldn't remember where the bed used to be.

and we went to meet the film maker for s's course. in the car he asked sort of carefully - so has anyone called for play dates recently. i said yes and gave them the info (when kids call to play with s while he's at h's i tell them to call there)

that last was really telling for me - i am and have been entirely responsible for the play dates, which are a huge part of s's life and very important to him. that's the first time h has asked me - i think my making it clear that i wasn't arranging this stuff anymore for him really got through - a bit of a wake up call. the other thing is that in 10 months s has refused to have any play dates at h's house. only 2 of his friends know that he lives there every other week (i expect that to change when they move into the house h has bought)

more in my next post - will get to the 2 x 4 stuff then.