The change, Cadet, was sudden and unexpected. He did say, however, that this had been going on in him for a long time.
I am validating EVERYTHING, which, again, is something I've never done. Thanking him for his openness, telling him I appreciate what he's doing. This is something I wish I had done before.
I am scared for when I return home and how we'll interact. Fortunately, I'm returning on Monday morning and won't be going into work that day, so I'll have a day off, in the apartment, by myself until he comes home. Should I be home when he arrives? Should I go out? I do want to go to the library and apply for a library card, so I may do that.
I mean, there's hope here, right? I need to do my 180 and really work through this.
I made an appointment to see the pro-marriage counselor on Wednesday evening. I hope that he will come with me.
I also know that I want to start cooking for myself. He always did the cooking and I think resented that he was always doing the work. Should I cook for him as well?
Hi Vera. Thanks for your reply. I'm concerned that he'll decide to leave sooner. That's a lot of space and seems pretty final.
I have read so many posts, but just don't know how to approach my specific situation. I know I'm planning on being out of my apartment as often as I can next week.
there is: breathe, breathe, breathe. pretend he is just a friend you care about. how would you speak to a friend when you see him? you wouldn't be worried about how to act or what he is thinking or planning. you would just be pleasant and carry on a conversation about what you did that day, what your friend did, did they have a good day at work, etc.
you will have to relax and not try to fix this immediately. that's one of the reasons we obsess; we think there's some magic thing we can say or do, right then, that will fix it and if we don't, we've lost our one and only chance and they will NEVER change their mind!
it's a slow process, not an instant or quick fix. take it easy.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Thanks, scaredsilly. I know this is what I need to do. I am going to be optimistic, friendly, and think "as if." I am just going to wait until he is ready to let me know if he's ready for counseling.
Cadet, could this mean that there's hope in all of this? I mean, even if we only have until December?
There can always be HOPE, but NO EXPECTATIONS! I sense that you are expecting him to change. If he does it will take much longer than you are EXPECTING!
Lower your expectations to zero.
Originally Posted By: sophiedaphne
Thanks, scaredsilly. I know this is what I need to do. I am going to be optimistic, friendly, and think "as if." I am just going to wait until he is ready to let me know if he's ready for counseling. This can turn around, right?
See above.
Start working on YOU. There are no TACTICS that are going to work here. No magic buttons or pills are going to help
