WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

I don't know. Not sure how I would know.

My gut tells me that "on purpose" isn't the right term. As in she's doing it to control me. My gut says she's not doing it because she's confused... which is really what she's been all along, confused.

Somewhere someone posted about the "big steps" the WAW goes through. Telling the kids is one. Moving out is one point. Filing is another. Executing the divorce is another.

My gut feeling is based primarily on the belief that all of her excuses for not filing have always been bogus. If filing was a #1 priority she would find the money (the excuse up to this point). After all she found the money for a new tattoo.

And if I know my W at all it will now morph into her "spending the money" she had for the filing and returning to her not having money to file as the reason for not filing.

But that's my gut... no way to know if it's right.

Personally I don't think I'm ready to be the filer. Not yet. I don't know why, but I know I'm not ready to take that step. Though the idea is less discomforting to me than it was say two months ago.

And there's a fiscal consideration too... I'm on her health insurance which is about $300/month less than my employer's insurance and far, far better. I know at some point I'll have to pony up but there are some bills I'm trying to dig out from and that money is helpful.

And in our state it takes a minimum of four months to divorce. So if it doesn't happen until August then I get to end the year married which has significant tax implications for me.

And there are stipulations in the agreement that don't kick in until a final decision has been entered by the court. Pushing that out is also financially advantageous for me. For example I have one year to secure, from the date of the decree, to secure financing to buy her out of the house. Originally I thought I was going to have to get that done by March of next year, now... ?? now it can't be until September of next year at the earliest. That provides me more time to retire debts and line up better financing.

Maybe that sounds crass or overly analytical, but in the end we're talking about an impact of more than $10,000 potentially.

I know this file/no-file thing is driving some of my friends and family nuts. But I point out to them that I can choose to file whenever I want to. She's not in control of me through this. She's not "holding up my life" any more than I choose to let her.

Right now I'm not dating, not looking to date, or any of that. There is some risk exposure through debts and whatnot, I understand that. There is the emotional issue that I still view myself in some ways as "married" and a "husband". A divorce might break me of those. But it's also possible for me to do that without it if I just man up to it.

Though part of me wonders if a filing would shake her up enough to see the world differently.