Crimson....just checkin' in.

[LITB]

25 - to answer your question I guess part of me doesn't see her sending pictures as a positive sign because all it means to her is "let's just be the greatest co-parents ever!" and I don't share that enthusiasm just yet. If that is all we are to be, then over time I am sure I will adapt to it - but it's not a switch I can flip right now. Crimson

At the beginning of my sitch, my DB coach told me that we should make 5 deposits to every withdrawal into our spouses love bank. One of my goals was not to make any withdrawals or the very least amount possible and continually make deposits. The size of the deposit does not matter. They all add up.

What I am saying is to utilize every interaction with your W as an opportunity to fill her love bank. Demonstrate a positive attitude and strength. It will get noticed. For me, I got to the point that it became a habit. Here is a perfect example for you: When we went to watch Avengers, I took the kids to get snacks and I grabbed my W her favorite candy. I didn’t think about it. I just did it. She told me a couple of days ago that the little things make a world of difference to her. She mentioned the example that I just used.

One of the biggest things that I see mentioned on the board is not to have expectations. It’s the truth. My W began showing signs since March, but I honestly had no expectations that anything would come of them. I was just living for me and our kids.

Also, I hope you are right about positive memories. Seems like I have given a lot of time and space - but nothing really "positive" about me leads her back home....at least as far as I can see anyway. I am really thinking about posting parts of the letter she wrote....filled with positives, but still she seems to want to walk away. Bah - no matter, I am where I am.

25 is right my friend. The positive memories return.

It just takes time. When I’d call to talk to my children, my W would sometimes answer and nonchalantly begin a conversation. I clearly remember her telling me that she was looking at our family pictures and things that we had done during one of our convos. For the most part, I would just listen. I had no idea what was going through her head or how life was for her. All I knew is that we were not together.

As predicted I am thinking a lot about my boy with him being so many miles away. Irrational fear, but I always worry that one day he will detach from me and just want his mother. She has the ability to take him places this summer due to her schedule and the money I have to give her. The loss of that money leaves me unable to the things I would like to do with him...travel, etc. - it just seems unfair.

There are plenty of things that you can do that don’t take money or very little money. A lot of times, like our wives, children remember the simplest things we do with them and for them. Also, like our wives, children have love banks. Fill your son’s love bank. Read the 5 love languages of children by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.

I hope this helps.