I really dont want to go to a meeting I would only go if he could go to a AA or Alanon meeting.
Unfortunately this sounds like "I will only go to the meeting if I can control what H does." You know you can't.
Given that you said your only reason for going would be "strategy" i.e. getting him into a meeting that it seems like he doesn't want to get into, I would concur with the advice upthread to just say that if he and his L want to present something they can send it to your L and you will take a look at it then.
