ND, my advice would be to just assume that she IS/has been having an affair, and try to move on. What purpose would it serve now that she's served you? Is yours a "fault" or a "no-fault" state for divorce? If it's the former, and adultery is a valid cause for an action, then that's another story.
I'm sorry you're hurting today. This is one of those things that, even though you know it's coming, still kicks you in the gut. Try not to make any major decisions in this raw emotional state.
I haven't followed your entire sitch -- just skimmed it, just now. Have you retained an attorney yet?
