Only because I've walked this path and have an idea where the landmines are.
they are land mines aren't they?
and that's what this board is about - helping people like me maneuver around them from people like you who have gone through it already.
i thought i knew what i was appreciating this board about, but now i'm really beginning to understand what is happening here.
as for what i want - i don't even know where to start: in terms of my life? in terms of everyday stuff, in terms of what i do on my own regardless of what happens with h?
where did you start labug?
maybe it's a starting point that i'm just aware now that i don't know what i want. that it's okay to sit with that for a while and give it some space.
i'm just sad to find that out about myself. but sad is good, it's one step up from despair, so i can look at it as progress.
i listened to ester hicks this morning - it was a good one - she talked about staying in the cycle of despair/fear and how things just don't go well when you stay in that state and that it's about climbing up the emotional ladder. so if one can get oneself from fear/despair to anger, that's an improvement. she points out that it's not a good idea to stay at the anger stage for too long, but to keep moving up until you get to feeling good.
as soon as i listened to that, i saw how true it was from what i went through yesterday - i spent the whole day in a despair/fear state and then late in the evening that text from h, just tipped me over into fed up/anger state and i actually felt better and much more decisive than i had been all day.
i've learned enough now to recognize that this state is NOT the place from which to make decisions or say anything, so i am going to be proud of myself for recognizing that and wait until i can get to a higher emotional state where i can think positively and then decide and act. and in just appreciating myself for seeing that i've learned something actually makes me feel even that little bit better than i did a while ago
long ladder!!
yes, this place helps - a lot! but it's not the place - it's the wonderful amazing people here.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
