the question is - if they do admit the past and if they do stop seeing the OW, how do we know going forward that they are now telling the truth, i.e. that they aren't continuing secretly with OW in some way and/or haven't started a new affair with some other OW?
I am throwing this out for all those who have been there & done that. I know there are some who are already divorced and who are saying that this is the only solution - but isn't that like cutting off your nose to spite your face? some participants in this forum have rehabilitated their marriages, and the question is how you can be able to confidently trust the cheating spouse again after what he has done in the past.
It's a fair question, and I can only tell you what I did. I continued to monitor intel ("snooping") and we had a mutual transparency period for an indefinite period of time after she returned to the marriage from her affair. It ended up being about a year, with me checking her e-mail and text messaging less and less over time.
Trust has to be re-earned, and the betrayed spouse needs to be able to feel safe. My wife understood this. About a year in, I gave her a shiny new pink laptop for Valentine's Day, and in my attached card I let her know that it was FREE of keylogging software, and forever always would be, and I thanked her for being open and transparent with me for the past year or so.
I'm from the Ronald Reagan school: "Trust, but verify."
