Swimming with the Turtles

[zig]

thanks ces - for what you wrote - it's reassuring to know that others have felt the groundlessness of too many choices at times during their sitch.

i do really like everything you wrote , and you're right it is ME who decides which way my life is to go.

i think what i can't reconcile with is that the picture of that (if h and i are not together) does not include him at all and i can't wrap my mind around having him in my life because he's our son's father and living the other life i am starting to envision.

i have to come to terms with the fact that whether i like it or not, he's in my life, not necessarily the way i want him to be. AND that i'll always have to deal with his personality - and the options are either that it always makes me crazy, or that i change my way of reacting so it doesn't get to me

ooh, does that stink of detachment...

the over analyzing has simply got to stop for me.

i think this morning , i have come to realize and accept that all of this is a reaction to ow's trip. i didn't want to think it affected me - but i've cycled through this enough times that i have to admit, that each time he does something like this, i tell myself and everyone for days that i'm good and it's no big deal and then other things trigger me off and i deal with my feelings through other trivial stuff rather than face the real thing.

" You have a full spirit that comes out in your posts and its wanting to live fully"

you're right - i'm just denying it aren't i?

thanks ces - and thanks for taking the time to stop by - hope your sitch is still going really well - i'll pop in later

zig