I think that what she wants is for him to admit the truth and then, as a result, to stop seeing OW. he feels that with the lying and denying he can pull the wool over her eyes and continue to be a "cake eater" with the social advantages of a "stable marriage" and the fun of a fantasy affair on the side. (and I realize that for the cheating spouse, the attraction of the affair is not so much any specific quality of the OP, often the LBS is a lot better person in many ways; but the affair is all fantasy and fun with no responsibilities and that is the attraction.)
and therefore, since the lying and denying are in effect enabling the affair, I think that what Abbey wants is for him to admit the truth and then stop the affair. the question is - if they do admit the past and if they do stop seeing the OW, how do we know going forward that they are now telling the truth, i.e. that they aren't continuing secretly with OW in some way and/or haven't started a new affair with some other OW?
I am throwing this out for all those who have been there & done that. I know there are some who are already divorced and who are saying that this is the only solution - but isn't that like cutting off your nose to spite your face? some participants in this forum have rehabilitated their marriages, and the question is how you can be able to confidently trust the cheating spouse again after what he has done in the past.
