Usually when someone believes "nothing's working" it is because:
a) it really isn't working and they need to try something different or b) it isn't working because not enough time has been given to see if it works or not or c) they haven't clearly defined what it is they want, (maybe the goal it too broad).
Think of it this way. If your goal is a reconciliation with your spouse and after several months this hasn't happened, you might feel as if nothing's working. On the other hand, if your goal is a reconciliation but you break down that goal into smaller more achievable targets, it is easier to measure and adjust as needed given sufficient time to see if things are working as anticipated.
In my specific sitch, I of course desired a reconciliation. However, to get there I had to slow down the march towards divorce first and I also had to work towards a better relationship with my W. To do that I had to give my W a ton of space. I had to work on my 180's. I needed to GAL. And to keep my sanity I needed to seek guidance and support from others, including people on this forum.
If I measured my success on whether on reconciled with my W, I'd have to say "nothing's working" because we have not reconciled. But, if I measured my success based upon my smaller, more achievable goals (i.e. slowing the march towards D, improving the R with my W), I'd say that has worked.
Now I need to work towards a new set of goals, one of which is moving back into my home and getting my W and I into some form of joint counseling. These too seem somewhat broad and so I may need to break down these goals further.
A marital crisis is much like a big elephant. And how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
