About two months ago my wife started telling she had to do a lot of travel for work and has not been home since. Every time she is suppose "something" always come ups that forces her to have to stay. Before I found this board I did what I was not suppose to do non stop calling and txt. She never answered the phone and when she did answer the txt it would be hours later and the excuse was that she was in meetings. About a month ago I sent her a txt that said "Seems you made your choice, hope your jobs gives you everything you need, Goodby"
She did not answer for a couple of days and I started mass txt begging her to call me. I guess she finally got sick of it and said "Your txt was disturbing and I'll take to you tmw". Next day no show no call, so I start mass toting, no reply. Last text I sent was "If you made the choice not to be will me and are just thinking of a way to tell me, just say it because it's not fair to me" After an hour I get a reply "You are not happy with me and you should find someone who deos make you happy"
Deep down I knew I was going to get this answer but it still hurt.
Since then I have got her to meet a couple of time to have dinner with me an D, and every time she is with me she always makes it seem that she does want to be with me and wants to make it work but she just needs some time. At the end if the night we hug, talk nice and I ask her to send me a txt just to say goodnight when she gets to her room, she says she will but never does. When I send a txt in the morning asking what happen to the txt, I get either phone died or I fell asleep.
Now what I about to say I know I should not do but I could not help myself. When she was last home she left her email and Facebook accounts logged in. So everyday I look at them just to see because now I feel she is having a A. For a couple of weeks nothing shows, then one day I see a Facebook message she send to one friends how is a lawyer asking if she could recommend a divorce lawyer. I go numb and my hands start shaking. I can sleep and stay up the whole night. Fast forward to today and I see two emails from a vender for her company, one is his flight info and he ends it with, I love you and can wait to come to you. The other is a love poem.
I again go numb in total shock!! I go write to a lawyer to see what my options are. Tell him everything and seeing dollar signs he said I should start the paperwork right now!! The problem is I still love her want us to be a family and in a fog not knowing what to do. She came home today to give our D a book she promised her, the only way I could get her to do it was by guilting her into be sending a txt saying no matter what issues we have, our D NEEDS her mother it's been over a week since she has seen you. She said fine she all come over and take our D to dinner.
When she gets here, I'm in the garage because I did not want our D to hear us talking. I say I want to say Im sorry for all the txt and calling, it was selfish of me to only think of what I want and not listen to you when you say you needed time. I then Look her in the face and ask her, do you want to make this work or should we just get a divorce? She said she does want to try. I then I stare her in the face for 30secs and then ask, do you have feelings for someone else? She looks me the face and says....... No
I keep my cool while she is lying to my face and say " If you do have feeling, tell me and I can accept that, but don't i.e. if you are", she again says no. I just say OK
She then says if I want to go to dinner, I said sure, once there we have idle chet chat, I make sure never to say I love you or take about our R, When we leave she comes home to get clothes because she has to fly out to LA for the rest of the week for work.. sure!! I keep my cool and say nothing. Once she gets her clothes she calls me over and gives me a hug, I give her a real weak hug, she looks at me and says bye, I look at her and say bye. We walk to the door and I just close it behind her without saying another word.
So I sit here in my fog thinking I should just file and be done with it, but I still love her and for some reason want us to still be together. I just don't know what to do.
