oh shite - i'm so confused with everyone's different takes on this
my take: i want to be more flexible with son spending time with both h and me.
responses from the board: don;t give up your time with son.
my mil: take s back on friday and tell h that if he protests that he can have him for a couple of hours on the weekend
your take: i'm playing tug of war
my son's take: i want to be with dad every minute i can
my IC: be as loving and kind but keep your boundaries firm
i think the tug of war isn't over son, it's over everyone's differing opinions and to top it off here's my horoscope for the week
Here's the moral of the story, Sagittarius: Be discerning as you ask for feedback and mirroring. The information you receive will always be skewed.
so i'm just going to sit back and laugh and let whatever happens happen. i'm blinking exhausted here!!
i need to get my sense of humor back here - it's ludicrous that i'm even in this position of trying to figure out the ins and outs of separations and whats the right and wrong thing to do for s.
actually i do believe that if s was asked - he would want to stay for a whole week with h and is going to be really upset if he has to come back on friday.
these odd "disappearances" from his father are very unsettling for him and i've noticed that right after that he pushes really hard to be with h as much as he can - thus the insistence of going to the summer course. but that's just my take on it, and what do i know, i'm just his mom...
incidentally this last 'disappearance' of h's was the oddest - and s asked me several times where h was. i replied that i didn't know - and i didn't at the time. i believe it unnerved s more than usual - all the other trips had "explanations" from h, which were usually not what he was doing but something else. the last time, when he left for the longest one - he gave s different stories and times, that i think s figured something was not matching up (he's really smart), and he clung to h for days after he got back.
i'm trying to make things as best i can for s, while at the same time making sure that i don't get taken advantage of - to give him some reassurances in this messy situation - to give him as much time as he wants with his dad. i actually think that if i was keeping him here then i would be playing tug over him.
i appreciate your observation scaredsilly and it definitely made me react - i won't deny that. i admit i am sensitive about my role with s - i have been criticized by h so heavily on every last aspect of this that even though i used to be a super-confident mom, i've just about lost my confidence on whether i am parenting correctly or not and making the right decisions for myself and s. it is taking me a long time to separate out what h said in his bomb dropping and blowing everything out of proportion to what it may have been, and to finding what is really true and what i have to work on.
the reason i asked for feedback is that i'm still trying to figure out where i'm controlling and what seems to come across as controlling because that is how h perceives me to be.
if there's a tug of war going on, i think it's within myself:)
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
