Swimming with the Turtles

[zig]

so here's my dilemma - i'm NOT spinning off,i just want feedback.

this is to do with a conversation h and i have to have. s switches houses every friday. s stayed with me until tuesday this week (4 extra days because h was with ow - there was no discussion with h in advance - just him casually asking me if s could stay two more days, and then later that actually he needed to stay 2 more). he took s on tuesday yesterday) and has put off twice discussing when s comes back here. his words 'lets talk about it later

the later is expected to be tonight - if he doesn't call me i am going to call him.

scenario 1 (me saying what it already is)

me: i am just confirming that we are sticking to our original schedule as we haven't discussed otherwise and that s will be back with me on friday ), as we've always done. (that gives him only 4 days with s)

possible replies from h:
no , i'd like him longer (my response - i'm happy to let you take him for a few hours here and there)
that's fine (i don't offer anything)

scenario 2( me letting him decide)

me: I would like to settle the schedule for the next few weeks. how would you like to do it"

possible replies; let's keep it friday to friday or
i want to keep s for a whole week, so let's switch to tuesday since i got him yesterday
or i don't know, what do you want to do


so if i agree to switching the schedules - he gets both - time he planned with ow and then still gets s anyway.

if i insist on the original - am i being punitive or keeping my boundaries

the second one - where we stay with what was already in place, makes me feel as if i'm setting a clear boundary - the message being that you don't get to switch the schedule around to suit you , its's what we both have to be in agreement with, well before hand and if you change things without discussing them i don't feel as if i have to go along every time. i don't mind being flexible once in a while.

i do believe that if he wants to change to tuesday to tuesday and i don't agree my answer is going to be "let me think about it and get back to you, i've actually planned my summer with friday to friday in mind and so i will have to see whether this change would suit me" - that there will be anger and some backlash possibly.

that reply will allow me sometime to come back here and get your feedback on how to handle it from that point if it comes up.

i guess, if anyone is confused - this is a different issue from the one that we've been discussing for the last few posts. that was about my position on how flexible i was with when and how our time was spent with s

this issue is about h possibly changing things around to suit himself. it is as likely that he himself will assume we stick to fridays, or to change it. there is no way for me to tell, until i have this conversation

is there a different perspective i could look at it from which would be more beneficial?

thanks zig