there i went spinning again in some way. it seems that whenever i am faced with a decision - how to do something - i go spinning off and can't see or think straight.
just had a conversation with mil - and made the comment that i feel that i am doing everything the wrong way - with h, with s.
and she stopped me cold and said how about instead of thinking that, you start to think about all the things you are doing right.
so i'm going to try and do a little self appreciation here.
what am i doing right?
standing still learning about myself and at least trying to understand how all this works and realizing what i need to change loving myself more - much more than i ever did trying to understand how s and h work and how to change my patterns with them learning to be with myself independent of them and their needs going out on my own and doing stuff that i didn't do before imagining in a positive way life without h and being really okay with that continuing to give as much love and support to my family, h's family and to h and s, no matter what getting up and brushing myself off after every fall and keeping on moving forward trying to understand what is a correct boundary for me in difficult situations
so that's quite a list and i do feel a bit more confident, now that i made it.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
