Any WAS's with success stories? I need to hear it!

[25yearsmlc]

thanks Bond. I have not finished the first thread yet, just about 4 pages. I did notice the first post in the first thread, says pretty much the same thing this first one in this thread says...all about what SHE is doing to him and how it doesn't make sense.

I'm not yet finding the insights on his part about his role OR the possibility that she has a point--maybe, just maybe, they weren't on the same page from day one. It seems they don't recall who agreed to what, when.

Bond, are you suggesting she's a WAW? She doesn't fit the MLC scenario but I think dividing people into two groups as if that's all emcompassing over simplifies. It's got to be more complicated, don't you think?

Just wondering what point there is to saying she's nutty or confused, if that's all we say.

What's he going to do with that?

And 1702, I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you live in the USA, there's no such thing as you refusing a divorce nor does not signing something prevent a divorce from happening. I understand you don't want one and you don't want to assist her in ending the marriage. I get that. But you have to know,

If your w wants a divorce, she can have one. Whether you sign papers or not, all that does is force her to get a waiver of signature, or whatever it's called in your state, so she can move forward. It'll cost more in time, and possibly money.

I have had to tell many people, mostly older women, that the days the Television still portrays, of people like Joan Collins telling her wayward h that she'd "NEVER GIVE HIM A DIVORCE" are over. That's b/c the state grants divorce, not the spouse.

The most you can do is delay it, which may be worthwhile. I don't advise helping her to divorce you, but know that sometimes, delaying the inevitable adds costs.

Plus, this may be a journey she's on that doesn't involve you directly, and in her mind, it may require her to finish this "task" before she can discover that the grass is greener where it's watered. IOW, she may have to feel "free" in order to choose to commit. Right now what I'm getting from her is a sense of feeling trapped, regardless of whtether it's right or wrong, that's the vibe I get from her.

Perhaps you ought to Detach, back off and leave her to her task...?


But you ought to know your legal rights. Try not to get offended by a lawyer who feels she has seen this before and knows the likely outcome. She probably means well.

I'm a L but when I interviewed the lawyers I thought of using, I found one I really liked and related to. I told her that I wanted to save the marriage but not at all costs.

SHE is the one show suggested I file for a sep rather than file for divorce b/c she held out hope for us to reconcile and she was right. She could have made a lot more money off of me than she did. (Actually, I see her as a Godsend and a friend, now.)

After learning my rights, I felt empowered to CHOOSE to stay married and knowing I was not stuck or a doormat, helped me find the strength it took to stay and work on ME and creating a good life for myself and the kids.

Information is power and hiding your head in the sand isn't a position of strength, nor is it attractive.

I think some reality of what your w may face as a single mom, would possibly help your cause. I don't know what role the father of her daughter has there.
But will she really be better off without you? There may be only one way for HER to find out...

What can YOU do to slow things down, (other than not signing something)?
Can you give her more space and relax and be less predictable?

Can you GAL? What changes do you want to make in YOU? Can you begin them now?