Still Afloat and moving Forward

[BeingMe]

Updating ....

It isn't at the point of my leaving just yet ... I am realistic about that. I feel the time is fast approaching. It was he who wanted the separation/divorce, but has done nothing about it ... just seeming to pretend nothing is amiss. That's why I placed him in the spare room, and stopped any kind of affection. If he wants to divorce me, then I may as well get used to not having those things. I asked him a few months ago if he would like to try again, but he said no, so I bide my time, waiting for the perfect situation where I can leave and not be unhappy about it.

As for living within the sitch ... I'm finding it easier by the day. I am happy within myself, do lots of GAL activities and planning more. I have started the "feral cat" project, an idea of Wendy's. Don't know if it's working, but he has been complaining about not being home on weekends when he never did before. He seems to be tired of traveling.

One weird thing H's been doing, which makes me think he's still in MLC. He's been dying his goatee beard black. He looks younger and I must say, more attractive, but is this a normal thing for a man to do? Is he trying to attract other, younger women? My D19 doesn't like it, and I'm uncertain whether I do or not. He does say he misses our young family. Seems he's trying to come to terms that life moves on, but he doesn't have to like it. His father was like that ... never liked the kids calling him grandpa. I'm uncertain how to handle this, except to let him find his own way. He wants a divorce (the last I heard) so it's not really my business.

We've just bought a small condo in the city where my D25 lives (and, more importantly, our grandchildren). It's a 10 hour plus drive from home, so I will be spending the summer there, catching up with family and friends. Hotels are just too expensive, and staying with friends for that amount of time is not feasible. So, we got the condo because I want to spend more time with the grandkids. Might go over the Christmas period, and for birthdays, Easter, etc. as well. I would move permanently, but still got uni for the next 2 years, and so has D19. We'll decide then what is to be done with our house ... sell, and buy smaller place on the island, or rent it out, and still buy a smaller place on the island. I will also decide whether I want to move to D25's city permanently. At this point, I now know that I can leave and have a place to stay, whenever I want, without relying on others. Or, H can leave and have a place to live, and I can stay here on the island. H doesn't want to leave the island though, so that part is going to be up in the air. I do want to be close to the grandchildren, so probably me.

So, things are starting to gel, and I can relax (as I have been trying to do) and not worry about the future, because I have a plan in place, with back-ups, and I will leave it to work out as it's meant to. God willing, it will be better than I plan.