Swimming with the Turtles

[labug]

we talk a lot here about how when we change it can/might instigate change in the other person. is that wrong to want?

zig, you make your changes for you, you work on what you know you need to work on to become a better person and sometimes that creates changes in the relationship. We do all hope for that.

But if I feel good about me and the changes I've made and it doesn't affect the relationship, I'm not going to turn myself into a pretzel trying to find the thing that will change the relationship.

I'm also not going to do something that's not in my best interests.

h has deliberately kept his life with s separate from my life with s for years. should i continue that pattern, in fact, as you suggest insist on it?

I'm not insisting on anything, just offering observations and asking you to be aware of your needs as well as your motives.

I think flexibility in child custody is very necessary, it's finding the balance that works for you that's probably the most difficult.

If the above has been H's pattern, why and/or how would YOU change it?