"W is going into the same church introduction class as I did and the Pastor I'm talking with is running the class she is in."
If the subject is church doctrine, it shouldn't be a problem. But if the subject was on R's and/or the class was in a very small room....that might make you feel uncomfortable, IDK. But if you want to attend that church, then I say go for it. Trust me, if she feels tense, she'll find another one or stop going.
"Sat. night we got in our first fight in 15 years. I was sick of how she was neglecting the kids and her Grandma while I was sleeping(I work 3rd shift for the last 3 years)with her out running around all day and I yelled at her for this and her lack of commitment to work on the marriage and stop seeing her boyfriend. I told her to leave and don't come back until she appologizes to me and everyone that was helping me."
This was not good to do. It only felt better momentarily b/c of the pressure you released while yelling. Plus, never give her an ultimatum like that...or she's very likely to do it.
Establishing boundaries (if she doesn't know what they are) should always be done in very calm discussions. Standing your ground should be with a soft, but stern, voice.
Are you sure you were upset at her neglecting her GM and children, or was it anger over the A? What does she do in the evenings while you work?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
