Swimming with the Turtles

[labug]

i had thought that i was being less resistant - because i can't say that i have NOT been possessive of my limited time with s.

Why do you think sticking to the agreement you've made makes you possessive? You can certainly be open to changes, but your time with S is your time with S.

i'm trying to be more generous of my time with him - to maybe show by example to h that we can be kinder in this sitch to each other.

Are you being generous because that's what you want to do or because you want to teach a lesson?

does the fact that i have noticed h liking the extra time with s, influence your thoughts on it at all.

Are you fixing things for H? Discounting yourself to make his life better?

a few weeks ago, when it was my turn with s, fil called and asked if s could come over because his sisters were in town and really wanted to see s. i asked if h had seen them (h's aunts) and fil said yes he did already a couple of days earlier

do you not find it ridiculous on some level, that h felt he could not ask me to get s to go over for family stuff and his dad had to ask me as if i was doing everyone a favor by allowing it?

There's a lot of mindreading here. Do you see that?

How did you stop H from asking to have S visit?

i DON'T want to be placed in that position. this was my solution to it. maybe i'm wrong and someone is going to tell me that yes keep it that way - let him see the reality of the sitch.

What position don't you want to be placed in?

well the reality is that every one thinks i'm so controlling that his family always asks my permission before they ask h. even his sister only asked me if she could come for s's birthday. i ask them why they are asking me and shouldn't they be asking h, and they insist that they want the answer from me not him

You can't control what they think of you.

All you can do is be aware of your motives, act from a true heart and do what's best for you and S.

If it's your time with S, why shouldn't they ask you and not H?

so am i controlling when i offer to open up the sitch and allow h more freedom with s, in a way in terms of time spent together?

Are you doing it to teach H a lesson?

Are you doing it to be seen as not controlling by his family?

Rally being honest about my motivations has been one of the most difficult thing I've had to because it's made me see a darker side of myself.

But I needed to shine a light on it to be able to change.