Swimming with the Turtles

[zig]

you guys are so sweet! i like how you fixed it for me. my negativity is really showing through, i know. i'm starting to see how much i still function from a very defensive place deep within myself

thanks labug - i guess i have it backwards then? by letting things be more open and relaxed, where we both get to spend more time with s without the restrictions of the schedule is actually me being controlling? i'm not being sarcastic here at a ll, and i really do appreciate very much that you are heeling me through this

i had thought that i was being less resistant - because i can't say that i have NOT been possessive of my limited time with s.


i'm trying to be more generous of my time with him - to maybe show by example to h that we can be kinder in this sitch to each other.

does the fact that i have noticed h liking the extra time with s, influence your thoughts on it at all.

maybe i should explain a bit.

a few weeks ago, when it was my turn with s, fil called and asked if s could come over because his sisters were in town and really wanted to see s. i asked if h had seen them (h's aunts) and fil said yes he did already a couple of days earlier

do you not find it ridiculous on some level, that h felt he could not ask me to get s to go over for family stuff and his dad had to ask me as if i was doing everyone a favor by allowing it?

i DON'T want to be placed in that position. this was my solution to it. maybe i'm wrong and someone is going to tell me that yes keep it that way - let him see the reality of the sitch.

well the reality is that every one thinks i'm so controlling that his family always asks my permission before they ask h. even his sister only asked me if she could come for s's birthday. i ask them why they are asking me and shouldn't they be asking h, and they insist that they want the answer from me not him

so am i controlling when i offer to open up the sitch and allow h more freedom with s, in a way in terms of time spent together?

i'm damned either way it seems - got to clear my head up from this for a bit - can't see the forest for the trees

maybe you guys can help me see it more clearly?

thanks
zig