I think that what you're saying is that you can't love unconditionally without boundries but I don't think that's ture. Loveing unconditionally doesn't mean being a doormat or doing anything that would hurt yourself because then you couldn't continue to love because you'd be operating at a deficit
I think many people get twisted around the axle at this point. My understanding of DBing is, remove yourself from the conflict(detach), look inside and figure out what you know is not working in you, start working on those things and in response to the changes, S may change.

No Guarantees.

Except, you can become a better you and this will take lots of time.

If things don't improve in the R, then there are choices to make.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss