Thank you (( )). Reading your posts actually brought tears to my eyes... The amount of support understanding is almost overwhelming.
Jks, WH-- understand the OW being the band aid, in fact in my pre DBing days I used to try and 'rationalize' with my H that exact point. That he was not addressing any real issues, etc etc blah blah. So even though he doesn't see it or believe it right now- it doesn't mean it's not true.
And yes she can have is version of him. A man that can give up on me is not a man I want. I am trying to rediscover who I am and who I want to be. There is a lot of layers to dig through.
I've made mistakes along the way. Was flattered by the attention of a male friend, but I don't want to go down that path-- its not me and I am really not interested and then I will just be a person I would not respect.
It's about clearing my head from almost anything emotional right now. Being pragmatic, sensible and not exposing myself -especially since I am not yet sure what' myself' is.
LITB-- thank you for your words of encouragement on my DBing and support.
FEAR...yes it does seem to be my Everest. To conquer fear it is said, is to face it. Maybe once I actually SEE H the conquering can begin? It's almost like a leap of faith... To believe, and then to step into the unknown.
I know I love my H unconditionally. I realised that over the past two years when I really sat down with myself and had to make a decision about what I wanted to do...fight for the M and my family, or just accept this craziness even though it felt so wrong.
Now I know. I can love him unconditionally no matter what. Whether I DB the M or not. Because our paths have separated right now. So I need to focus on my journey. And leave him to his. If they crosss again it will be for the right reasons and for a smoother path we walk together.
But not to worry about that now. Focus on my path. My journey. And how I choose to handle what it gives me and what I give back.
LITB--- I don't know if you are a star wars fan ( I admit I am)...fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, .......fear leads us to the dark side. I don't want to be there.
Thank you for so much love you all.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
