Things seem to be in their regular pattern at the moment. W and I are getting along and moderately communicative - but we aren't hanging out or anything. Today she leaves for The SF Bay area with son till Monday. I hate him being that far away from me, and wanted to be with him the first time he saw the ocean - but in the big picture I am sure this time away with him is good for my wife.
Instead of being reflective and sulky and sent her a text message this morning saying to have a great time and travel safe....and to tell S that daddy will be with him in spirit. She responded by saying "Will send pics along the way. Pray for me! LOL". She has stressed repeatedly that she will send me a bunch of pics while she is there. That makes me feel good and bad - if I am being honest. I am glad she is thinking of me - but at the same time I feel like I am missing out in a lot of ways. I dunno - maybe I should just take it as a positive sign and leave it like that.
I have to say that I was INCREDIBLY....INCREDIBLY touched and inspired by reading all of LITB's threads that he posted over the last year plus. It really gave me a boost and a little bit of renewed strength during a time when I sincerely needed it. His story had/has many of the same traits as mine and as a husband/father we made a lot of the same mistakes. His wife said a lot of things that mine did, and she seemed to view things a lot like mine as well. I know it is just one "data point" but I am glad to see a story like mine take a happy turn. I know there are no guarantees, but to see that it IS possible gives me strength.
I also read posts from 1704 (I think that was his name). I saw there where I could have gone had I not turned the light on myself and taken ownership of what was mine in terms of the breakdown of my relationship with my life. I could feel and remember his pain, confusion and inability to accept reality. He said something that resonated quite a bit with me:
"If I back away now it will only push her farther away from me"
Holy sh*t if that thought doesn't creep into my head every day! He said he was not going to return to the boards - but I wish him well. There but for the grace of Sandi2, 25yearsmlc, and a host of others go I.
More to say but need to drive my way into the salmon spawn that is PHX morning traffic. Really gonna miss my boy these next few days. And honestly, will miss my W, too. The last time she was in SF we were there together and it was great. I do hope she has a good time and good chats with her friend and her friend's family.
