Knowledge is power and you mention emotional differences between H and yourself. I highly recommend the books by Pease that explain this. It was a profound view for myself.
The 37 rules are fantastic and you'll appreciate them more as things "click". The best of which help you to stop reminding H about the issues in your M. It's counter intuitive but will eventually make sense. Things such as asking H to read books or go to MC may remind him of the issues. This may suffocate him and not provide the space that he needs - it could push him further away.
You are right in starting to be hesitant for talking MIL and SIL. H could construe this as "using" his people against him. Even your own support network should be carefully selected as advice or opinion that is from a place of resentment is not constructive.
Also, check out MWD YouTube on the see saw.
H 34 W 27 M 9mth T 8 Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY OM 2/'12
