WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

Time to start a new thread...

I've been doing some serious thinking over the past two days. Trying to analyze my sitch and get my head around some things...

@Figg.. there is no R with the father of SS and SD. That's a non-starter. The last thing he will do is give up his time so I can have some. No, the only time I will get is time that is now my STBX's.

To the other suggestion about weekends... that's worse frankly for having a life. I have our S two weekends a month. Now add SS and SD on a third weekend? Now I really get no life... while my STBX gets three kid-less weekends.

And frankly the problem isn't the kids. It isn't that I spend time with the kids or want to be with the kids. The problem is how I interact with her. It's not a problem that I have them while she works. It's not even a problem that I drop them off at her place and put them to bed. It's that she engages me in this need-based conversation because she lacks emotional support elsewhere. And I allow the engagement to continue.

The dropping by behaviors are very new, hence my struggle to deal with them. I haven't gone over the top in reacting because I'm trying to figure out if they are something that will keep happening or a transient behavior. If they are going to continue then I need to set boundaries. Oddly enough being formally divorced or even separated I think will help. Call me stupid or old-fashioned or whatnot... I still have a hard time not acting like a husband when I am one. I know I'm not in her eyes, but I am one. By tomorrow evening I won't be one legally... or I will be but one that is legally separated from his spouse.

Last night she called me and asked what I was doing. I said I was busy. Her and the kids were down watching a friend's softball game. S was bored and getting antsy and annoying. According to her he asked to come over to my place (which is two blocks from the softball diamonds). I told her I was busy and couldn't. It's funny how her tone went from chipper/chatty to disinterested and flat. I couldn't be of use to her... no need for pretense I guess.

Tonight the kids are staying over at my place. It's great having them all here. It was a work night for STBX and on Wednesdays during the summer I work from home and it's my day with my S, so I offered to have all the kids. Before folks jump on me, STBX has all the kids two to three days a week during the summer and we have a sitter the other day or two. Just trying to keep an fair workload and manage costs. Summer care is expensive. It also allows me to have them here and not at her place.

I emailed her tonight because I looked at my clinic bill and see that she has $400 in charges on there. This despite me shutting down that account. I emailed her to let her know she owes me $400 and that I would like it within two weeks. I shut the account down start of May but that much was already there. I don't believe she did it intentionally.

After I sent the email I remembered that it's her birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday, pay me $400.

We meet at 10:30 to sign the papers. Guess that's my birthday present to her. Whatever. I've been on and off a mess since Sunday about it. It changes nothing. It simply codifies what is already reality. It financially protects me. It moves me closer to being able to purchase the house and make larger changes here.

But it still breaks my heart. Sort of wish I didn't have to come home to all the kids here. Don't suspect I'll be in a great mood to be a dad tomorrow. At the same time I can't think of anyone else I'd really rather be with on that day. Double-edged sword I guess.