A little background. In 2004, my w walked away. I had 2 boys, 15 and 7. I thought I was going to die. I lost 30 pounds and had no idea what was going on. I found DB and everything in the WAW chapter was about 98% accurate. I could then breath after understanding what was going on. I followed the principles and she came back in about 5 months. (I found out there was another man.) Things were tough for a while but got better. Then in 2007, she accidentally left her computer email account opened and I found she was in the process of meeting the same guy she had the PA with in 2004. The emails show they had not been in contact until a recent birthday wish which started their conversation up again. There were other online emotional affairs going on also. At this point, she had yet to meet up with anyone yet, not that it mattered. I asked her to leave. We reconciled and she seemed to really mean it.
The last couple of years, she started having problems with pain pills (based on a surgery). In addition, she was having bad problems with her body and emotions because of menopause. There was a year or so we had sex maybe 4 times. I never used it against her but we became like room mates. We were friends but I did not treat her like a wife. She had a hysterectomy and continues to have depression issues.
About a month ago, we were at a counselors office and I unloaded on her problems with the pills and her unhappiness. That evening, she was very mad and wanted divorce. We were going to tell the kids at the end of the week. At the very last minute, she backed up and said she wanted to work on things, she had been divorced before and didn't want to do it again. More counseling and things seemed to be great. There was more sex. I couldn't wait to talk to her about her day. I was always telling her how thankful I was to have her in my life.
I again found some text messages/emails to a guy in another state who is coming back for high school homecoming. Clearly, there she was again in an ea and possibly looking for a pa when he got here. Once discovered, I told her she needed to leave. Since then, I struggle with wanting to work things out. We had a bad argument/fight and lots of hurtful things were said. She is moving into an apartment next week. She said it's over and we are divorcing.
I am right back to where I was in 2004. One side of me says I will be better off once she is gone, she would probably just do it again. the other side leaves my devastated because I feel a strong christian need to keep the family unit together. I am more worried that she will turn out like her mother (broke, alone, sad). I know I will be better off in a year and will be healthy. Right now, I'm crying, losing weight, depressed, I guess probably because I don't have any control over the situation.
I plan on DB anyway and reread the things I should and should not do. The problem is, she is very aware of DB because of all the discussions we had about it after our first successful fix. I talk about it to anyone going through divorce. I don't think it will have the same effects if did the first time but I know it will make me better. Just curious how many times other people have let themselves go through this?
