I didn't see it coming part 2

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Yankee, I felt good that I acknowledged the date. It was a nice card, no more, no less. I kind of expected my W to not get me a card & that's OK, because it's a reality check for me that things are a long way from being what I one day hope for again.

Speaking of reality checks, lately our interactions have been really good, we've been getting on really well making each other laugh and it's been great. Today my W went out shopping for some holiday clothes and got me a few tops she thought I would like. I was really happy about this & the tops were great, not reading anything into it, other than it being a nice gesture.

This past Sunday it was my W's Nan's 80th birthday & we had a surprise party for her at my MIL's. The party was great except for one awkward moment, when W's auntie noticed my W wasn't wearing her wedding & engagement rings. I was sitting right next to my W and she just shook her head and said just aren't, her auntie pressed her by asking why and she just said nothing and looked away. This made me feel uncomfortable, like a fraud, like I didn't matter. It also made me realise, that although we have made some baby steps together and haven't had a R talk in months, her actions in that interaction showed me that she still is either not ready or has no desire to stand up for our M. I let it go & never brought it up afterwards, no point, we were both there & I know how her actions / in-actions made me feel.

My son is picking up on things not being right between us. Today when my W did her, 'Who's my best boy in the world.. I love you son bit' my son asked her outright why don't you ever say you love daddy, he's your husband you're supposed to love dad. We just looked at each other, I don't know who that hurt more, me or my W.

We are due to go to Florida on Friday morning, really can't wait to go, just going to enjoy myself with the kids & have fun with my W as well. This holiday isn't make or break for us, it's just a holiday, a much needed holiday at that.

The Anniversary, the questioning of the rings by an auntie and my son's observation are all indicators to me that although there has been some considerable improvements in communication between my W and I, there is a hell of a long way to go, either way on this journey for me.

Bill