Thank you for responding Twink. I appreciate your insight and steady at the helm mental state.
I have a challenge this week. Thursday is our 26th wedding anniversary. If I did not have to see H, I think I could get through the day ok. But our youngest son's senior banquet is also Thursday, requiring us to at least be in the same room in public and no doubt interact on some level. It is a painful coincidence for me. To act civilly is never a problem for us. It will be ok and look just fine to all involved, including our son. But I will be dieing on the inside, thinking about what the day means to me. Maybe it is no coincidence. Maybe I have to go through that pain. And I also need to work on the "stop husband thoughts" exercise.
If H is so determined to leave our marriage and move on, I cannot understand why he does not act on this. I think his state of limbo land is a conundrum even to himself. Very dear, life long friends of ours said to me recently, "this is the dumbest break up we have ever seen." Spoken clearly from someone who has not experienced a MLC.
I can do the things you suggest, with zero expectations, GALing, keeping my own counsel,behaving with integrity and grace. I do see this time in my life as an incredible example for my boys.....to see their Mom act with dignity and love and compassion. I know they need to see my human side too that occasionally hurts and is sad. This is SO not what I wanted for them or us. The only way I see to make any sense of this is for something good to come out of it. What that is remains to be seen.....
