this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

i've already been acting like it's not bothering me. in december when he planned to take off for 12 days after x'mas, i let him know that i had found out and HAD KNOWN for 2 whole months - incidentally during that time, i behaved impeccably (and he knew it - i had been friendly and co-operative etc during that whole time. the old me would have undoubtedly bitched and been pissed off in various ways)

he asked me if i was angry and i shrugged quite casually and said - no, this is not any more bigger or more important that the whole picture.


what you described in your r with your h - it's exactly the same here - and we have talked about it several times. he's not able to let go of that image of me - no matter how different my reactions are now.

i have not once got angry since this S about anything difficult he has told me - and there's been plenty - and he still insists that that's why he doesn't tell me. well - time + changes , you know?

it's taking him a long time to understand this. but i don't take it personally any more. if he chooses to function that way and make things more messy, his problem. i don't feel as if i need to own that in anyway any longer.

So long story short - if you act like it doesn't bother you, H will notice because a) it's different from how you reacted in the past and b) he'll realize he can be more open with you and c) he can face whatever emotions he has to deal with as consequences of his actions. Does that make sense?


yes that makes a lot of sense. i'm not 100% confident i can carry it off, but i have become quite the actress through all of this.

i like your approach to it, and yes it will make life a lot easier. i think in the past few months i haven't been able to attempt that because i thought- if i give him the impression i don't care, then he'll think i don't want to go on with the R.

but it's the opposite of that isn't it.

i have told him many many times when he used to test me about how i felt - that i am happy for him that he has found what he needs and that he's so happy. (he always insists how happy he is - and he looks so goddamn miserable when he says it!!)he's always looked terribly pained when i've said that. in dec when he told me he was going for 12 days, i actually said with a smile on my face - that's great - you guys get to spend time together - it must be really hard for you being so far apart.

was that overboard - i actually really meant it - and was sincere - heck - if he's gong to do it - he might as well enjoy it instead of being so f'ing agonized over it!!

so is your name Vera? that's my mom's name - i've always thought it was a beautiful name - for beautiful people.

thanks for your thoughts - i shall put them to good use.

zig