GM - I'd like to add some to what Walking was saying above. I personally don't have the means right now to pursue certain niceties. For me, I'm trying to change my surroundings. I don't know your whole back story, but I know I've had the luxury or sleeping alone for a year now so my W moving out in week or two won't keep me up at night. My personal goal is to make my home mine.
You made a comment further up about being curious about how your H thought about being in his old environment. I would almost want to ask you the same question. What I mean by that I guess, is that I have a chance to do something with my surroundings that matches how I feel about myself having learned what I had about me. So speaking from my angle, what about you?
I'm with you. I had no idea what I'd done to help with the downfall of my marriage. I haven't grown up with a father since I was 3 so I had no model to work with and I failed to be a partner and a father so I work to be a better example for my kids. I couldn't have done that without knowing where many of my faults lie. I cried alone for a while when I thought about how inept I had been. But it's a source of inner strength if you can harness it and use it to your advantage to get you out of a funk.
I don't know if my W will ever want to come back. I try not to think about it and it's hard not too, but focusing on making my surroundings mine helps me. It will not be an overnight process due to financial commitments, but setting a goal and getting to it tends to help re-channel my energy toward a more positive disposition.
Task 1 - Change code on garage door, which she already knows I will do. She's leaving so it's not her home to just drop in on.
Task 2 - Redo master bathroom on a budget by changing colors, shower curtain, rugs and wall fixtures
Task 3 - I can go on and on....
I don't know if my W will ever see me for who I am today. She told me last week that I had made so many good changes, but she added the disclaimer that she hopes I did it for me. Whatever. It stopped being about her eon's ago, but she wouldn't believe me if I told her.
