It makes me feel bad. ... How do I change me so that it doesn't bother me?
Remember that it's only our own train of thoughts that MAKE us feel anything.
Find a train that leads in a different direction and repeat it over and over until you start to believe it.
"H is allowed to make his own choices and mistakes. I'd make different ones but that's okay. I can still enjoy a shared activity even if H makes some choices that I wouldn't. It's his feet. He gets to figure it out." Or some such. Whatever it takes.
It may be normal to be bothered about this kind of thing, but the Pia Mellody tape running in my head reminds me that it's not a functional path forward. I'm quite certain that if I could eliminate all the things that I really have no business being bothered about then I'd have a much shorter list to work on.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out where the lines really ought to be drawn. If you imagine asking H to wear different shoes because...? Because you are uncomfortable if his feet hurt? When you have to explain the details it can make it clearer who the problem really belongs to.
What can you do to give yourself some mantras that lead you in the direction you want to be going?
