h told me last night that s wanted to go unto the studio with him at the uni and bee there everyday with him while he taught summer school. so found out at 8.30 last night that h was going to pick him up at 8.15 this morning and then keep him for his turn.
i was kind of out of it on painkillers, and didn't really care to press the issue. besides , it was to my advantage, as then i could get to work.
this morning though - not on painkillers, i decided that since our original agreement was that he was taking s in the evening, i told s that he will be coming back for a few hours in the afternoon, so we could finish his room that we'd been rearranging and isn't get done. s got really teary-eyed and upset and said he didn't want to do that, so i had to let it go.
i know i'm a softie - but i'm just join got let it pass on this one. we've totally disregarded the feel ins of this child in the last few days. didn't tell him anything, and made him wait and guess on his own. it sucked for him and on top of it, he had to deal with the far that his dad totally blew him off for a week, while he was in town!
during breakfast s and i had to go through a difficult conversation, that we managed to resolve and then i went out on the back deck, ready to have a little weep, but h came in.
they came out on the deck and h was carrying s and so i didn't see his face for the first minute. and then i got the shock and surprise of my life!!
THE CRAZY ASS THING OF A MOUSTACHE IS GONE!!
he shaved it off. that's been his red sports car, his wall between him and the world, and i saw his face again.
i think i handled it beautifully and casually. made him feel relaxed - he was very over conscious of it and could at first barely look at me - but his whole demeanor was very relaxed and the old h - he talked in a very warm way - lots of eye contact. and stayed for a bit. at the end he said he'd like to sit together this afternoon and make a schedule for the summer with s's activities and write it all down. he has never ever suggested that - in far the always hated doing that kind of stuff.
of course, it could be he wants things to be crystal clear so he can arrange his trips with ow without it being messy like this past week.
talk about splitting and roller coaster!!
THIS TIME i am prepared - no expectations from him. there's as much possibility of that actually happening as not happening and i'm okay with it.
i am going to practice here later what i would like to say to him regarding how we schedule and keep to the schedule.
i need to go get some work done first
thanks everyone for all the support and holding my hand through this
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
