sorry i didn't reply earlier - in the middle of all of this i went to have a tooth pulled and the rest of the day was spent in "recovery"
it was really soothing for me to read your description about how messy all of this is. and your suggestion of just making a design and going with it and just letting go of the anxiety of what it's effect may be, is exactly what i want to aim for.
I think by being flexible with your schedule, you are enabling H's affair, and that is not something you should be putting yourself through
i think the reason i got so upset last weekend was because that's how i felt - that inadvertently i had managed to not only enable what he was doing, but bloody volunteered for it. i was mad at him, but waaay more mad at myself. i am being too nice and it does NOT work for me.
i am going to make it clear for him now - we need to make a schedule and stick to it. and if things come up as they sometimes do, i am going to start requiring that he figure out his role in dealing with it and not dump s on me. i have even saying that because i WANT s all the time, but not in this way.
I think you can handle the affair with grace without aiding and abetting it. It's not OK. I don't think there is any reason to legitimize it. He should feel guilty and sheepish about it every time.
oh i hope i can - handle it with grace and dignity.
i know he is going to push me hard during this discussion - how openly should i talk about it - i've stayed away from any discussion about her for months now - and need to make clear for myself exactly what stand i need to take on this before tackling it.
i think i'll write down and post later how i am join got put it and hope i get feedback from all of you as to what is the best way to say it.
thanks always - and thanks for the link - yes i was very scattered and all over the place for the last 2 days and venting a lot. i did meditate and do my self-hypno and feel grounded again this morning.
hope you're good today:) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
