this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

verab - thanks for your brilliant post.

and the hug, and for being so sweet and saying that i don't need a 2 x 4 for everything i'm doing. when the "evidence' is bad, i think i go into the "blame myself for everything coaster ride" and can't see the forest for the trees!!
got to get myself out of that one!!

I think part of "rectifying" the situation about having H not tell you about his OW plans is to act as if you don't care about what he's doing.

yes! you're correct. my insisting he not tell me, is giving him the very strong message that i care too much.

i have been too scared to say certain things to h. and now, i can see that i have always been that way. and ironically he is too scared to say certain things to me. we both do that because we are worried about the other person's reaction.

here's a 180 for me - i have finally got to the point where i can see that i avoid stuff with h because i'm scared of his reaction. and now, when i'm not any longer threatened by the idea of divorce, i am at the point where saying certain things seem suddenly so simple and easy. he's not 'holding " something over me any longer (e.g.. his anger, his threats of divorce etc)

thanks for your advice verab:)

zig