Last Resort Technique - Can I correct problems?

[LostIn407]

I need help. I fell off the wagon and I am lost. I feel like I am worse off.

The plan this week was no contact/detach/dim. I couldn't make it one day.

My W text me regarding her not receiving mail. I told her what she should do. I then let her know I was taking our Ds rollerblading. She said she would meet me there.

We dropped the Ds off at a park and spent an hour rollerblading. She told me a movie was playing at 10:10 and would call me if she went. I told her I needed a waxing (she is an aesthetician). She told me to come see her on Wednesday. I said I would come near the end of the day so we could grab a drink after.

Looking good?

Nope.

She never called about the movie, which I will not mention to her. But it got me thinking because she got a call when we were saying goodbye.

Like a dumb@ss, I did something I haven't done in weeks and starting snooping. I checked the phone records and saw the call was the OM. I drove to her apartment at midnight and saw the OM car there.


Was I making progress or was she getting what she wanted? The OM and me at the same time?

How do I dig myself out of this hole? I will cancel my appointment with her on Wednesday, saying I can't make it. But what about future rollerblading? She wants to do it more often with me. How do I tell her no without making things worse?

My buddy had to talk me down last night. "It isn't something we don't already know". I told him what if she is spending less time with the OM and he said even if it is only once every three weeks, it is still a million times too many. She needs to come to me.

Sorry I post so much. Sorry if I am taking time away from others, but I am so lost. I am jumping at every opening I see. I think I am doing great but I am actually doing worse.

I know I need to let the A play itself out, but it is way too hard. I want to have a R talk with the W so bad. I want to know where I stand, but I won't. It is getting easier to swallow this when I am around her, but d@mnit, I want to do it so bad.

Driving to work today, I took the path by the OM's mom's house. I am a glutton for punishment. His car was there meaning he didn't spend the night with my W.

I know I need to detach and go as dark as possible, but it so hard with our visitation agreement. It is basically every other day. I am taking the Ds to an amusement park on Father's Day and the W is coming, so how much good will going dark for 12 days do?

I am spinning out of control.