Thanks for dropping in here, and especially for reading my threads, which are not as long as some here, but do stretch back a few years.
It does appear that we have some similarities of story. What stood out for me was that your H does not want to move forward with a legal separation or divorce. It seems that, despite his prior push, my H does not either. I can think of many reasons why that might be, but they are all conjecture, and I am trying not to waste my time there. Rather, I want to simply make decisions based on what I need right now, and involve him only when necessary.
As far as changing the dynamic with your H so he sees he is really losing you -- there is not anything you can do with that expectation. Expectations will kill you. You have to live him losing you, and mean it. Keep your own counsel closely, especially with your children and family and friends, and live your life. Be civil, of course. That will be necessary for effective co-parenting going forward, set a positive example for your children, and give you something to be proud of going forward. Otherwise, act as you would toward an old friend, because that is what he is right now. Initiate contact only when necessary about finances or the kids, respond only when necessary, and always with just the facts. This will help your detachment immensely.
Most of us, myself included, take a while to really live this advice, even though we understand it intellectually and try to practice it. It will come. Trust yourself.
Be strong and well. You will get through this.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
