I am doing okay.....still job searching and I am very happy with things.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Good...as long as you are happy, that is all that matters.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Not much to report except that I hung in there and we tried to reconcile a few times, but right about the 6 week point, ow would call and he would be right back over there.
I had to feel comfortable with a divorce ,not when people said I should file. It had to be me. I put my family first because there were issues I had to put above marriage, divorce and felt that the divorce would have been more than any of us could handle.
Another factor into my being happy is I joined a hometown group and as it turns out, a guy whose family is well known and has a good reputation...well he and i hung around with the same group of friends growing up but never knew each other..we started messaging and are surprised that we never met!
We have so much in common, message every day and are up front and honest and communicate. It has been so nice and slow and the honesty has been wonderful.
My gut feelings say this is developing at a very nice pace. And when you are told that your daily messages make someone's day and vice versa...it sure makes you feel good about yourself after going thru so much.
That is pretty much my story these days.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
You tried and did the best you could w/a difficult situation. You are absoltuely right, you filed when you felt the time was right and now you are ready to move on.
I am glad to see that you've joined a hometown group and are getting out and about. I'm glad you've met someone and I hope he is there for you and treats you the way that you deserve to be treated.
God has a way of putting us in the right place at the right time. I'm very happy to see that you are doing okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is nice to be able to talk and get to know a person, discover you have much in common and share the same morals/beliefs.
With regard to the D, yes, a person has to do it at the time that is best for them.
I still have issues I have to deal with but this will be a big chip off the shoulder once completed. It's just a straight divorce, no contest type thing. We actually get along pretty good but there are no feelings there between the two of us.
I asked him what illness ow has but he says it is none of my business. She can no longer work. Whatever.......
As for the kids....the girls could care less about their dad. My son still craves that father-son connection but they get along well.
He never talks about ow to the kids and to this day, they still have never met her.
I told him I hope she is elated that I am finally giving them both what they want..
My "friend" did warn me...he said usually when you go thru with a D, they always seem to want you back. No indication of that here...probably because he knows I HAVE moved on.
My "friend" lives out of state but we are in constant contact and it is really nice.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Once the issues have been resolved, you will discover that you will feel so might lighter and be able to turn the focus on to you and your life.
It's good that your children haven't met the ow. It sounds to me like the relationship isn't all that great. If she's ill, she may have cancer or some other disease that keeps her from working. Some day, the answer as to what is wrong w/her will drop in your lap. The reason he's not telling you is because you asked...he thinks he's got one up on you, but he doesn't realize that you really don't care one way or the other.
I know exactly what you are saying about no feeling between you. It's been along time and after all that has taken place, the feelings that you that you now have are the type that you would have for anyone you woudl meet on the street.
Your friend may be right about wanting you back after the divorce, but I would venture to say that is for those who are not experiencing an mlc. My xh never wanted me back and I'm coming up on 10 years for my divorce. Mlc plays out differently than a regular one...sad to say.
I'm glad you have someone that you can talk to. It's good to know that you have someone that you bounce things off of and he sounds very supportive. I wish you all of the best!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
MWG, You can look at this and realize you did your very best. My gosh, you have had tales of R and so on for so long. That is something that I have taken some comfort in--I did my best.
It does make a difference to be in a R where you feel wanted. You will not be sorry that you moved slowly.
Interestingly, your X is in a similar position to mine in terms of dealing with illness.
When all is said and done, I did want to be with X and it was a tremendous loss to me to have him gone from my life. But...bit by bit you pick up the pieces and move on. And you see where you were weak and naive
I am working at cultivating a spirit of gratitude for all that I have in my life now, and for all that I have been given. I was fortunate that I had good times with my X. I am also fortunate that he is gone.
As far as being wanted again by X, I don't think my X would ever admit that he made a mistake in leaving me and divorcing me.
I still feel that irritate him just by being myself.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I was watching a relationship show tonight and they talked about when you cannot get any closure from someone who betrayed you. The simple answer was to close that door and force yourself to move on. Easier said than done, but wise advice and rational. There has to come to a point where we make beauty out of the ashes.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
