It is up to you as to who should be told. I wouldn't go out of my way to tell anyone about the situation, unless they ask or suggest doing something after the two meet ups.
If someone should ask or suggest doing something together, just say "we are separated" and leave it alone. This is between you, your h and the man up above. No one needs to know your business.
As for your h, he shouldn't be getting angry...he put you in this situation and really, he should be the one telling people that you are separated, just my two cents.
Listen, you should not feel ashamed that your child does have both parents in the home. You have done everything you can to give her a stable and loving environment. Believe it or not, people in today's society don't pay much attention to the two parent home any longer. The word divorce isn't something that is whispered in the corner any longer. Society has changed drastically since the 70's and people aren't sticklers like they use to be about such things.
What you need to worry about and should focus on is your daughter and making sure her special day is important. You should also turn the foucs back on to you as well. You have to be the strong one that will be there for your little girl. Don't rely on your h for much because he's gone to the moon and then some.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
