Brit45, what did your H say to you after you told him he was giving you mixed messages? I'm curious as to why they do it.
Well I told him that he was giving me mixed messages because he's texted me to say happy easter and called me a pet name then took her to Easter lunch with his parents. I also brought up the hugs. He was really drunk when I told him that and later said he didn't remember much of that convo. Later that week we had another conversation which is when I told him he was giving me mixed messages, by telling me we'd work on things and then continuing to date her bring her to meet his parents etc.
I think he was very confused and just went with the flow straight into a relationship both because of his hurt from my actions and the lure of someone new. And seeing me, getting to flirt gave him a sense of security while he was still in a "new" sitch with someone else.
bustingout, I am do soooo good today. I don't know why but I have a renewed sense of self right now. I've been cleaning all morning, listening to music, and just thinking of fun things I can do this week.
When I think about my H, I seriously feel sorry for him. That he really wants to let me go. I can imagine myself with someone else now and I can see how my H would be disappointed in himself. I used to think that it would never bother him. But I know now that that is not true.
And as for his behavior with OW, I feel like I'm the better person for continuing to hold true to my vows. I am still married and I will continue to respect those vows until a D is final. That, in itself, gives me a lot of self-respect.
I went to a meeting last night that was about seeking out forgiveness. I got such a spiritual high from it. I don't want to hold on to bitterness anymore. To let this affect me negatively is only going to affect me and MY life. Being ok with it is actually very freeing. This is how I want to feel all the time. I hope I can continue on this way.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Glad to see you picked up those books. I would recommend reading them in that order and also picking up the Passion Trap if you have not read it already (I did not read Solo Partner as some reviews I read indicated it seemed more geared toward a slightly older generation than ours but I believe the Passion Trap covers much of the same pursuer-distancer dynamic discussion).
I saw that review on Amazon too, and its very misleading -- the Passion Trap and The Solo Partner are very different books with different messages covering different situations. They're both worth reading, but one is not an updated version of the other.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I saw that review on Amazon too, and its very misleading -- the Passion Trap and The Solo Partner are very different books with different messages covering different situations. They're both worth reading, but one is not an updated version of the other.
