I don't know his or your financial situation, other possible reasons for carrying on like this, kids, a home, etc
or if he's simply
a serial cheater, who likes to cake eat a LOT, and also feel good about himself.
My question is whether you really read and PROCESSED what we wrote to you?
I didn't feel that way. I didn't feel "heard".
Are you still mulling it over or what?
As far as confronting him, What is there to "prove"? Why bother?
He'll deny/deny/deny. OJ did that with his wife (before he killed her) and with the women he was seeing later. It is a philosophy many adulterers live by.
They will deny a photograph of them in bed w/OW, and say it was photoshopped.
You will not get them to admit what they've done. They will deny it, always.
So please do NOT expect him to own ANY of this.
IF you caught him in bed he'd say it was the first time, "a one time mistake" AND that you were neglecting him so in a way, it's not his fault...it's yours.
Your decision is whether a slice of attention now and then, like a sandwich when you're sick---and all the mind games you two seem to play, is a marriage.
Do you feel his guilt is somehow empowering to you? Like it's leverage?
See, I don't get that at all.
But I do Hope you feel better.
(( ))
^^^^^ This.
Cheaters lie, otherwise they wouldn't be cheating. They would be in an open M.
Are you going to leave the M if he admits to the A?
Or are you going to continue to ignore the A and go on with life?
See, I think the only reason to get proof is if you're going to do something about it. Let set a boundary for yourself. If you are going to maintain the status quo, then what is the point?
In my opinion, he's not going to admit to the A. Why would he? It has gone on this long and besides, the proof you have already is pretty good.
This is a long-term A. It's a habit at this point. And so is the lying and the deceit.
And even if he does admit it....
You can't control him or his choices but you can control you which is why I ask again, what is it that you want? And are you willing to live like this for 3 more years?
If not, you have to make decisions based on your values and boundaries. If what you're doing right now is not working for you, change what you're doing.
