It's what some WAW's say to the LBH trying to give them a "reason" for leaving, or they see it as an easier let down.
She chose to leave for another reason, not b/c she can't give you what you deserve....unless she means a W who can respond sexually. She thought she would be attracted if you made the changes she wanted, but found out it didn't happen.
The best thing you can do is continue your focus on you and the boys, and not on her. Act as if you have your eyes open now, and you know what you want in life and are working toward it. I know you want her, but she is last person who needs to know, for now. She needs to see you happy and care free. She needs to see you moving forward as if you plan to have a life without her.
If you do this well, she will start to make comments/questions about you looking like you're doing okay for yourself since she left. So, be prepared with a response. Of course, you don't have to say anything in words.....you can always just look at her (if it's in person) and not say a word....and walk away. That says volumes to her.
I'm not telling to you be mean. I'm just preparing you. If you keep working on yourself, she's going to be drawn to the man she once fell in love with.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
could use some moral support today... one of W and I's mutual friends txted me to check on how I was and let me know that W seems pretty contented with her new apartment and that she doesn't see her ever changing her mind... W told her that our M was build on broken foundation and that she's tried to get over it for last 5 years but she's done... I'm doing my best to keep the faith and hold out hope...and it's only been 3 days since she moved out... this seems like it's been two months but it's only been just under 1 since all this started... are these feelings normal..? am i still on the right path..? I'm trying hard not to be, but I'm so scared that she's going to meet someone else she would rather be with.. trying to strengthen my mind with prayer... God's plan will reveal itself on His time... not mine...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
Read up on detaching, ff00. Detaching doesn't mean giving up. It means reduce emotional attachment to the sitch and your W.
People are going to talk, with opinions either for your W, for you, or indifferent as best possible. This time will possibly be a huge rollercoaster of emotions for you...
unless you detach...
and keep working on yourself and focus on your kids...
thank you for the suggestions... I will do that... I'm doing my best not to be discouraged... and to keep moving forward... called to set up a DB coaching session today... hoping that will help get my mind right...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
Try to keep in mind the mantra - believe none of what they say and only half of what they do. Your W is likely trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing by telling your friend what she did. Keep your focus on yourself and as KD said, work on detaching.
Many of us have felt the coaching sessions helped our mental state tremendously. I hope you have a similar benefit.
Wife called today to work out scheduling with the boys... wow, what a logistical nightmare... I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep it all straight.. and no telling what it's going to do to the boys being constantly shuffled back and forth due to our conflicting schedules... I was able to keep the conversation light and about the boys, though, and ended the conversation first... I guess I'm on the way to detaching... I don't know... the thing is I know I was unhappy and was feeling neglected and unfulfilled before all this, so why am I trying so hard to get her to come back..? she is convinced our M was built on a broken foundation, because of my selfishness when we first got married and hasn't been able to let that go... We have had some good happy times since and I'm sure that if we rebuilt our relationship we could have them again... I will keep moving forward... I continue to pray and believe that God will fix this in time...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
Good day today. Went to Vacation Bible School and helped with outside games. Had a really good time. Got to see my boys for a few minutes at least. Saw W briefly after and managed to keep it light and carefree. Session with DB coach went well. She let me know I'm on the righ track and gave me suggestions on what to keep doing. I felt so much better I went and bought some new clothes. Still praying. Believe God has a plan that will be revealed in time. I won't give up and I'll keep hold on to hope.
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
W asked this morning when getting kids if she could come tomorrow after work to do laundry... I have to admit I was a bit surprised because son told me they had been doing laundry at W Aunt's house.. I told her she was more than welcome.. I continue to show her I love and care for her by helping where I can... I am having a hard time finding 180s to do... What do you do when WAW tells you "it's Me and not You"? Ive made some changes and definitely become MUCH closer with my faith... it's the only thing getting me through... not sure how to act or what to do when she comes over..? do I stay away from her or try to engage her in conversation...? another thing that hit me the other day... W kept her garage door opener and house key.. interesting... I'm doing my best not to analyze every little thing, but W has given me no reason for this other than M was built on broken foundation and though she knows I've changed and appreciates the changes, it didn't change how she felt... we've lost our "connection"... I still hope and pray that time and space will help... in either case, I won't have any expectations for tomorrow night, and will do my best to be loose, easy going and confident...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
