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[ces67]

OK, so hopefully you all can get some good learning out of this post. I'm still trying to learn myself.

I sort of dropped off the DB plan yesterday. After going over the bills, I noticed that my W's statement about not sending a pix txt last Sunday morning was less than accurate. She did send & receive a txt to a number I didn't recognize. So since she confessed about some things lately I confessed about seeing her call activity and what appeared to be a contradiction of what she told me.

Long story, short, we got into a heated argument about my challenges in trusting her based upon all the deceit and secrecy she has shown. This included more conversation about her involvement with OM and our differing opinions on "flirting" vs. an EA. (at this point we agree to disagree).

I rarely get visibly angry but I did last night but was able to reign it in quickly. I even used a technique from the "Hold Me Tight" book of recognizing a bad communication cycle. I called it out and told her we were falling into bad communication practices again and I wasn't going to allow myself to do that. I actually walked away for a while.

I upset her because I questioned her integrity. But I stood my ground and explained why I felt challenged to trust her. She told me that being with me was draining and made her feel bad about herself. I listened and did not respond at that time.

We stopped & started a few times throughout the night. I never did get a full clarification of who she sent the pix txt to. But she knows that I'm aware of it and she'll have to decide if she's holding out on really working on our M for herself.

Today, W has been texting me and even called and talked to me. This is very surprising. Her demeanor towards me was the same as its been the past few weeks which is more positive. Trust me when I say it WAS NOT positive last night.

My approach was direct and I put on the table some issues she has created. That in no way was comfortable for either of us.

So far it appears that while this was a set back in the process, it may allow for additional forward movement based upon her actions towards me today. She also agreed to go back to our MC when she returns from her trip. Rather than question whether or not she really was willing to do it this time, I'm just going to set up the appointment and plan on going.

I think we're still piecing things. At one point last night I truly felt I was done and that I could never change the negative view of me that she'd adopted. However, she ended up not running away. She stayed and dealt with her own anger and then returned today to practices that promoted casual communication. I was pleasantly surprised by that.

3 days till they leave. W is suppose to close her own account this week and join our finances before she leaves. I think I need a name for my own roller coaster....