STBXH and I ended up taking our granddaughters up 4 wheeling to another favorite beach. And he acts like nothing has changed, he picks up shells and hands them to me. I treated yesterday like a good-bye to us as a couple. When I take my long walks now I am envisioning me walking away from him. it is helping. I will always love him. He is the father of my children.
I do see that he has a good man inside him. But he is confused and hurt. He has to figure this all out on his own. I am just doing my best to stand clear!
I want to share with you another analogy that was life changing for me, years ago when I struggled with anger and children. I was raised by an angry mom. Bad role model. I went to therapy for years, I didn't know what I wanted to be, but knew in my heart I didn't want to be like my mom.
Then one day I was walking my dog. It was a big strong husky, I was weighing not much in those days. My husky saw a rabbit and bolted after it. I flew through the air for awhile and watched the ground coming. I was so mad at that dog. And was going to spank him. (If I could have caught him)
And then as I stomped home to bandage up my knees and hand and the silly husky was still running big loops around me happy he had gotten to chase a rabbit I realized I shouldn't be mad at the dog, he was just doing what dogs do.
And then seconds later I realized with crystal clarity all my anger was stupid. My children were just doing what children do. And now our spouses are just doing what they are compelled to do. People who are mean or rotten to us are not really in control of themselves. We certainly can't make then be nice.
So this has been a driving force with me since 1993. And my oldest son, who was 9 around this time, recalls that I changed a lot. I describe this as my flipping a light switch in my life.
I am packing up way more than I thought I would. I am packing like I'm moving in a few weeks. I realized the house will sell quicker the emptier it is. And to keep dragging this out is just too much stress.
Aloha Friends,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
