Above is my previous post in Newcomers forum. I have been posting over there since March. I have decided to move over to the MLC section because H is going through some kind of crisis. He insists to friends that he is fine and he just wants to “move on with his life”. But actions speak louder than words. He is a completely different man from the one I married. I need a different kind of support because it seems the more I DB the farther away he goes.
Back in October of last year H came home from an overseas business trip and my sixth sense clicked on. Something had changed. From that point on he seemed more distant. Less talkative. I noticed he started buying Rogaine, started coloring his hair and wearing different clothes. In November, he underwent outpatient surgery to remove a bump from his scalp that had been there since childhood. In December he started leaving every weekend telling me he was visiting his ill mother in the nursing home. After Christmas I reviewed the bank statements and noticed unusual out of town charges on the bank statements. I asked him if he was having an affair and he denied it. He started becoming angrier and his temper would flare often. I tried to talk to him about it but he just pushed me away and told me to leave him alone. One Saturday in January we went to a movie with the kids and I went to kiss him and he pushed me away. I knew something was wrong, but had no idea how to fix it.
Beginning of February he drops the bomb he wants a divorce. He doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and he is done. No counseling, no talking just it’s over. He tells me he went on his overseas business trip in October and had an emotional breakdown due to the tremendous emotional hell he went through the previous year. When he came out of it he had no feelings for me. He just felt numb. Of course, I begged and pleaded. I told him we owed it to our children to work on the marriage. He said the kids would be better off with us apart and happy than together and miserable. He said he thought I was beautiful, a great mother, wonderful homemaker and a good person and great friend, but he didn’t love me like a man should love his wife and I deserved someone who could make me happy. He also said he has been thinking about this for three years and it’s time for it to be over.
After the bomb I noticed more charges on the credit card. I noticed a ring purchased at a local department store that was not for me. When I confronted him about it he said it was for a good friend. I noticed more secret phone calls. He was gone more and more on the weekends. At the end of February he filed for D and I was furious and screamed at him “I thought we had agreed to work this out” to which he replied “I never said that”. The middle of March I was served. Long story short, I suspected an OW and it was confirmed in April. He admitted they were “just friends” at first and he never intended for that to happen. Since admission he has been gone on the weekdays as well. He is spending all kinds of money on this OW. They even met a few weeks ago on the East Coast for a “business meeting”. I saw photos of them together on our family camera.
His behavior is erratic at best. I am trying to detach so I can stay off the emotional roller coaster. But even stepping back and watching from afar is dizzying. Every time I pull away he does what he can to pull me back in. It’s hard because we still live together and have two children. I am doing what I can do to save my sanity.
I have read many threads on this forum and I can relate so much. H is on the crazy train to D and I can’t get off!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
