Journaling-The hardest thing is battling this fear. Fear that I dont know whats going on. That maybe I am still being naieve.

So i try to prepare myself for the worst. And then I think i am prepared but i feel like i have lost so much trust in him, that he is so not the man i married, not my best friend anymore, that there is no reason for him not to hurt me more.

Deep down I actually feel like he really just doesnt care. That I am so off his radar, so dismissed. So replaced. Why would he ever want to go back to me again? He passed his judgement on me and found OW which I am sure just confirms to him how 'right' he was....that I am not worth it. I know that is not DB.

Just journaling. Feeling a little lowly. Scared that its all TOO LATE. But I didnt know about DB a year ago. Now I do.

Maybe this is really the last effort to say I have tried everything,

Do you ever feel like by being dark that you are not doing enough?

I am afraid I might do the techniques wrong and mess things up again.

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home