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[JustStunned]

Journaling: This weekend was a bit overwhelming. Both nephews HS commencement ceremonies occurred this weekend.

Saturday, I rode with my daughter to nephew2’s commencement. It was held outside in the athletic stadium. We were a little late arriving and caught up to the rest of the family seated in the stands just as the ceremony began. Afterward 17 of us gathered at a local restaurant for a late lunch and to congratulate nephew2. Later in the evening 15 of us took over a row of seats in the theater and watched the new MIB movie, gathering outside afterward to visit and look over nephew2’s Eagle Scout project. All of the plans I had for the day were set aside to spend it with family.

SIL3 flew in to visit for the week and while we were at the little city park nephew2 rehabilitated she was watching me closely and eavesdropping on the conversation I was having with MIL and FIL. MIL expressed her frustration about how the family dynamics have changed in the preceding two years. She was critical of her daughter and her decision. This is the first time she expressed this directly to me. I was careful to stay neutral and validated her feelings. I did not join her in expressing critical comments about XW.

There is nothing constructive to be gained from bashing XW. I have no ego here left to assuage and bashing only raises the drama level negatively, damaging the hard fought relationships I have with the family. Bearing, 2nd General Order for Sentries, Sandi’s rules 6, 7, 12 ,13,14,7,18,19,37 subject to my interpretation.

Sunday I went to SIL1’s house for a late breakfast and to gather for Nephew1’s ceremony. His was held indoors with limited attendance tickets. There was no room at the inn for me. I joined the little crew trashing, err decorating his jeep with congratulatory remarks and balloons. We then watched the live stream of the ceremony at SIL1’s house. Afterward we gathered for a meal and more visiting.

During the meal on Sunday and for a time afterward I rode the rollercoaster. So I excused myself leaving shortly after MIL and FIL.

Emotionally drained I began to speculate how the day would have progressed if the drama of the last two years had not happened. This speculation only served to make me feel badly about my circumstances. I believe I left before it became evident and a few hours later feeling better I returned for a few minutes with my dog for niece3 to see.

XW was present during most of Saturday’s events. We did not interact. There were a few brief initial moments Saturday in the stands when I was acutely aware of her presence and effort was expended to maintain my resolve to maintain a positive relationship with the extended family. I am a role model for my nieces and nephews. It is a responsibility I understand.