I'm a very analytical person, but I can't think of everything so I'm constantly weighing other peoples input. The time for legal pressure is not there.
Admittedly, I believe she's trying to pursue her independance and eat cake, but until she walks out the door she still has a safety net.
I'm not giving her enough rope to hang herself with, I'm giving her a ride to the store to buy the rope and do it all herself. Nothing she will do will come easy if it's on her to do it. I've been picking up the slack since the beginning. Me going to the lawyer before her is just me doing the leg work for her.
My wife can't afford the life she's lived these past few years. It's hard to party, pay for gym memberships, buy things for the kids, when you have to work a second job just to make ends meet. As with a teenager, I'll treat her like an adult and she'll be responsible for her own rent. Problem is is that there's two other mouths to feed and those mouths are not too happy with her over the past two years.
My wife can make it on her own, I know she can, but she doesn't see the full reality behind the choices she's making. Our kids are important to her and I don't think she really understands what's going on with them because she hasn't spent as much time with them. My value doesn't come from her family's disapproval of her actions towards me, my value comes from the bond that I have with my kids.
She says "The kids and I are moving out in two weeks", but the reality of the situation is that they will spend equal to more time with me anyway. They're too young to stay home alone while she's at work at her second job and I get home from work in time to get them off the bus after school.
My wife wants to feel the rush of independence, the sense of accomplishment, the desire to live and the love of her kids. Her plan, as she put it, is to get her life in order and then focus on rebuilding with the kids. I hate to think I'm using the kids against her, but in the same hand, their not objects that will wait for her to sort it out.
My W doesn't need me and I've learned to be dependent on myself and not her. She apologized to me for making my life hell for the past few years. I told her that her perception of my last few years is different than mine. It's been said in these forums and I'm in full agreement - I'm glad this happened. It saved me and gave me my appreciation for life back, but I would not wish it on even my worst of enemies and would not do this all over again.
My W needs to grow up. She believes she's going to have all her fruit in one basket and the kids will love her and her new life choice. This is not a game, our kids are real people with real hearts and thoughts. I hate seeing them go through this and it will be hard on them for years to come, but I know I'm in the best position I can be in to be there for them. Before my W's MLC I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached, today I feel like Atlas and I can support the weight of the world and not so much as flinch.
For the entire first year of my W's MLC, I was lost and confused and I begged, pleaded and hoped for answers, both internally and when praying. I thought I was being selfless in praying for my W to find peace in her world. For another several months after that I found a different light within me, but I still thought I was being selfless in regard to my W even though I was still 'hoping' she'd pull through this for "us". The past 8+ months I've never been more confident that this is what has to happen. I have great kids, but I've never understood their individual needs more so than I've learned these past few years. My W is where I was pre-MLC and it's her time to learn their needs, that even though they're not her "babies" anymore they still need her and always will.
I've let go a long time ago and I'm letting life happen. Where my insides would turn inside out, it assures me now that this is the way. I'm not ignoring that I may need legal counsel, but right now is not the time. My W is not mean natured and not evil, no matter how ice cold she's been to me. I will seek legal counsel when she does the leg work.
I'm still growing, still learning. I don't know if I'm right or wrong, only that I will have learned enough to have made the right choices OR I will be challenged to learn from my mistakes.
